Log in

No account? Create an account
Happy Holidays   
11:30am 23/12/2006
  This is zeronobus, informing you (since Kim's already packed up her computer) that she wishes a wonderful holiday for all of you!  
     Read 3 - Post
A Year Ago...   
05:28pm 27/04/2006
mood: numb
A year ago today was the hardest day of my life. I did the hardest thing I have ever done. I said goodbye to my dad for the last time. He passed away fairly peacefully at the hospital with all of us there, friends and family. He had a brain tumor... but we didn't know until the day he died. Neither did he. He had hardly any symptoms, and then just died. It was all very quick. But that didn't make it any easier... It's been one year and I still miss him so much. I thought maybe I'd be feeling a little better by now, but I'm not. Not even close. I still can't believe he's gone. It still doesn't seem real. Or fair. I'm still pretty bitter about the whole thing.

My mom and sister came up today. We didn't really do a whole lot. We went out for lunch. My sister doesn't feel well, I think she has a fever. So my mom and I went across the street for a few minutes and then they left.

I haven't been really crying so much. I feel numb.
     Read 3 - Post
07:44am 21/02/2006
mood: sore
My mom's dr thought we should get Hepatitis shots before we go. I already had the B one, so I got the A one yesterday. It didn't hurt to actually get the shot, I don't mind needles at all. But it hurts like a bitch today :*( Note to self, don't schedule to work overtime the day after getting a shot. It only hurts when I move it... but that's a lot.

Anyways, I had nightmares last night! And I've had the same ones before. About the wedding. We forgot to send the invitations, we forgot to write our vows. We forgot to get the sand. We forgot pretty much everything... it was horrible. Ugh. I'm hoping none of this actually happens. That would really suck.

Oh, last night I got to use our new photo printer! It's a pretty sweet deal, the pictures come out looking great. I printed 10, I want to do more tonight. When I get a fair amount done, I'll start scrapbooking. Yay =)

Ok, off to work I go.
     Read 4 - Post
Fat ass   
07:06pm 25/11/2005
mood: gloomy
that would be me.

I gained 5 pounds last week. 5 pounds in one week. I don't know what the hell is going on. I've never weighed this much my entire life. And last week I even tried being really good. Eating healthy and such. I haven't been exercising, but it's so hard when I have no energy. I feel sooo fat though. When I was in first year university I weighed 30 pounds less than I do now! Granted, I was underweight then and was told to gain 10-15 pounds to be in a healthy weight range, but they didn't say anything about 30 pounds. It's really hard for me. I go from being anorexic to this. I know I'm not overweight... but if I keep going in this direction I will be.

I think, I hope, it has something to do with my thyroid. People just don't gain 5 pounds in one week, that's very unhealthy. At first I was just gaining weight in the normal spots, boobs, ass, hips and thighs. But now it's going to my face and neck and everywhere. Some of you know me irl and have seen me, and I'm sure you will tell me I'm not fat, and may find it annoying that I am posting this. But it's my journal, and I need to vent, and I also am a recovering anorexic and gaining weight like this is incredibly distressing.

Action Plan
Eat even healthier! Breaky = one slice of pb toast (instead of 2) with a fruit cup. Snack = banana. Lunch = cup of soup while I walk on my lunch break! Snack = apple and carrot sticks. Supper = something healthyish. Snack = snacksize popcorn instead of full bag.
I should at least be able to muster enough energy for a walk during my lunch break at work.

     Read 26 - Post
08:30am 25/11/2005
  HAPPY BIRTHDAY susiev!!!!!!!!  
     Read 1 - Post
08:01pm 23/11/2005
mood: exhausted
Ok, please don't take it personally if I don't comment in your entries for the next little bit. I am reading most of the entries (well, skimming all of them at least), I just haven't been feeling up to it lately.

Work is getting a little crazy. Mandatory overtime right now, we're short staffed and have too much work, so my boss is getting my department to do some extra work. I'm exhausted. Sucks. I told her I'd help out with the work as best as I can, but won't be working overtime, she said that was ok but didn't seem particularly impressed. Whatever.

I got the rest of my blood tests done yesterday, but I can't even get into see my dr for two weeks. I know my levels are off. Whatever it is seems to be getting worse. I'm completely exhausted. Any little task and my energy is gone. I go to work and come home and can't do anything else but sit and do nothing because I'm too tired to do anything else.

And I took my last trileptal on Saturday (a pill I was tooking for my learning disability, my psych thought it would be helpful, I've stopped taking it and stopped seeing him, freakin' psycho) and the side effects suck. The nightmares seemed to have stop, waking up in cold sweats have subsided. Morning nausea has started (and no, I'm not pregnant). Seeing things hasn't subsided yet... today though, dizziness and shakes started. I don't know if it's withdrawal or my thyroid problems.

I know that something is wrong though. Two weeks seems like a long time :(
     Read 16 - Post
Cancer Update   
09:18pm 03/11/2005
mood: nervous
Well, I finally figured out a way to get an MRI without my family dr referring me (since she won't) and having to wait for months.
I'm going to the states. I just need a script from a dr (so my mom's dr, my old family dr is going to write the script - not sure what that is) and I can get in within 2 weeks! That made me so happy. So the States health care system is good for something ;p
So I'll be going to Port Huron Michegan for the procedure.
I just want to put my mind at ease, so does everyone else in my family, I want to make sure there is no cancer left, that there isn't anything else gone. If there is cancer somewhere else, I want to know. There is a pretty good chance if they find it in one location, it could be in another. That scares the hell out of that, especially now that I have a family history of it.
Maybe I'm being paranoid... I don't think I am though.

I'm feeling a little better about, at least I can stop worrying so much about whether or not I have cancer still.

And of course there is always a drawback.

The cost...

1200$ American!
     Read 16 - Post
Sick boredom...   
12:31pm 06/10/2005
  20 years ago I was
- 3
- a complete brat
- Too young to remember all that much

15 years ago I Was:
- turning out to be a pretty good kid
- loved wearing clothes that didn't match
- wouldn't eat anything but pb sandwiches and hotdogs

10 Years Ago I Was:
- boy crazy ;p
- started being extremely self conscious
- a huge tomboy
- into computer games

5 Years Ago I Was:
- girl crazy ;p
- finishing up highschool
- getting into volunteer work
- realising the vast majority of my health problems
- anorexic

1 Year Ago I Was:
- just starting to work at Equitable
- trying to keep my sanity despite my crazy family situation
- fighting my anorexia and winning
- going on year two for living with Tery

Yesterday I:
- I called in sick :(
- slept a lot
- read even more than I slept
- tried recuping for today, which apparently wasn't enough

5 Snacks I enjoy:
- chocolate
- lays chips
- fruit
- trailmix
- pretzels

5 Songs I know all the words to:
- Alison Kraus - when you say nothing at all
- a fair amount of Sarah McLachlin
- Sheryl Crow - Strong Enough
- Gretchin Wilson -Redneck Woman
- Dido - Thank You

5 Places I would run away to:
- BC
That's about it... I would travel places, but I would only stay in BC

5 things I'd never wear:
- tube top
- clothing that is too tight
- too short skirt
- pretty much anything skank like
- fur

5 Favorite TV shows:
- Bones
- Simpsons
- Family Guy
- South Park
- Everybody Loves Raymond reruns

5 Bad Habits:
- chewing the area around my nails
- not wearing my c-pap enough
- interrupting Terry ;p
- letting things get to me and being stressed waaaay too much
- eating junk food

5 Biggest Joys:
- going out for dinner
- Terry time
- hanging out with my sister
- relaxing
- good days at work

5 people I tag to do this:
Whoever else feels like slacking off :)
     Read 3 - Post
05:49pm 13/04/2005
dropsofme's LiveJournal Slut Stats
The below percentages indicate what dropsofme has done with the 16 people on her friends list!




seen topless

seen naked

phone sexed

made out

oral sex


What are your LiveJournal Slut Stats?
Sponsored via Adult Friend Finder. Keep this meme and others like it checking it out or getting free account! You may meet the match of your dreams!
     Read 20 - Post
stole this from madmax38   
07:56am 31/03/2005
  Speak the truth, speak it well...cost it what it will...[or something like that].

1. who are you?

2. are we friends?

3. when and how did we meet?

4. do you have a crush on me?

5. would you kiss me?

6. give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

7. describe me in one word.

8. what was your first impression?

9. do you still think that way about me now?

10. what reminds you of me?

11. if you could give me anything, what would it be?

12. how well do you know me?

13. whens the last time you saw me?

14. ever wanted to tell me something but couldnt?

15. are you going to put this in your blog and see what i have to say about you?
     Read 10 - Post
07:07am 02/02/2005
  Stolen From ladyteri

1. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
2. I will then tell you what song reminds me of you.
3. I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity etc.
4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. Put this in your journal.
     Read 15 - Post
07:40am 24/01/2005
  HAPPY BIRTHDAY lonely_letdown !!!!!!!!!

I hope you have an awesome day hunnie!

08:26pm 12/01/2005
mood: angry
So I went to work yesterday. I was there for 45 minutes and cried twice, so I went home. I slept, played video games and ate junk food all day. It was a nice escape... for a little while. My dad doesn't know why I'm upset with him, according to my mother (I won't talk to him) he doesn't remember the conversation we had about me saying I would have nothing to do with him. Seems to me that would be a pretty good conversation to remember. I can't talk to him yet, I know if I do I'll say something I might regret, I don't think I'll regret it, but I guess there's a chance I might.
I really do hate him right now. I know I won't forever... but I probably won't ever forgive him. I just hope this whore he's with is worth everything that he's putting his family through, no one will talk to him, not even my aunts or uncle and he doesn't understand why.
Apparentely he's still trying to say it was an accident that they met in the park. Right, accidentally met in the park that is like a half hour *drive* from my mom's house that he never goes to. Riiiiight.
I just don't know what he expects from us right now, are we just supposed to forgive him? Believe him? I didn't say if you cheat on mom I'll have nothing to do with you, I specifically said if you have *anything* to do with her I won't have anything to do with him. I just don't understand him. He obviously doesn't care about me at all. He's completely selfish. And for once I just want to be the immature one and tell him everything I think about him.
Terry's dad is more of a dad to me than my father ever will be and has been for the past 6 years that I've known Terry's dad. I don't want my father at my wedding, I don't want him part of any of my big life events. Maybe by the time I have children I will cool down a bit, but I know it will take a few years at least.
     Read 8 - Post
Please help me....   
06:55am 11/01/2005
mood: confused
Fuck fuck fuck. My life just got a whole lot worse in the past 12 hours.
My sister called me to tell me her friends parents saw my dad and his ex girlfriend walking in the park. I couldn't believe it! How could he do it again! And what kind of moron is out in public with a girlfriend anyway? He must have wanted to get caught.
Anyways, my mom called him at work to ask him about it, or accuse him. He actually denied it at first! Can you fucking believe that? Then he admitted to it. Anyways, he called me and I don't know what he was expecting. But I told him I had nothing to say to him. And that was that. I would have said more, but I actually have some compassion towards people and realised he was at work so I didn't. I remember clearly telling him if he had *anything* to do with that woman while he was still with my mother that I would have nothing to do with him. A lot of people told him that, but he did anyway. I know there isn't proof of him cheating, but that's why I told him if he had anything to do with her, even talked to her. I just can't believe this. This is such bullshit.

So I'm going to push him out of my life, I don't want anything to do with him. And for some reason, I actually feel a small bit of guilt which bugs me so much. To push him out of my life makes me feel kind of bad, but it shouldn't! I told him and he did it anyway, so he must not value our relationship at all!
... So why do I feel guilty?
     Read 8 - Post
09:13pm 01/01/2005
  Where is my irresistiblyred ?  
     Read 5 - Post
09:51pm 22/12/2004
  Ok, I'm going home for Christmas tomorrow, so I won't be updating until after I get back (28th or later), but I wanted everyone to know that I wish them

     Read 5 - Post
08:25pm 08/12/2004
  Ooh wow. I've been working lots (no overtime, but when I work, I *work*!) and school work is kicking my ass! I've been too stressed to study, which is leading me to procastinate and now I'm pretty screwed for the exam, which is Saturday. And today at work was incredibly stressful, so craptastik that I don't even feel like talking about it. Anyways, just so you guys know, I won't be updated or reading as much until next week. So I hope you guys aren't upset if I don't comment. I just need a few days to study and then I need a day to relax and do absolutely nothing...
Anyways, I hope everyone is having a good week and wish me luck on my exam!
     Read 6 - Post
07:16am 10/11/2004
  Stoled this from trickle

(A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.

(C) Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything.
     Read 8 - Post
Performance Appraisal   
04:37pm 28/09/2004
mood: depressed
Warning! Depressed entry is ahead...

Ok, I didn't get let go or anything like that. But she brought to my attention some errors that concern her and some of the other csr's. Interestingly enough, it wasn't the errors I thought they would be. They were some letters I had written and she said they were erros I shouldn't be making, whatever... Anyways, there were some french mistakes I shouldn't have made gramatically... she was right about that. Anyways, she asked if there was a reason I could think why I would have made those errors. So I ended up admitting about my learning disability and crying. Oh yes, crying. Damn why do I have to be so freaking emotional at all the wrong times! She said that makes more sense now, which is good I guess. But she's extending my probationary period 3 months! Wtf? That can't be good. Now I'll just be paranoid for another 3 months that my ass will get canned. She said she noticed more errors lately, I told her it was because I went off of some medication, she wants me to try meds again, since it's obviously affecting my work performance. She doesn't want me going on the phones for at least the next 3 months, she wants me to do some traning, going to different areas and learning everything. That means I'm going to have go to different departments and learn all their stuff. Anyways, this is not good. Not good at all. More crying... I don't see this going anywhere good, I know I should think positive because they could have just let me go today if they had really wanted to, but another three months of probation is not a good thing.
This job is stupid, I'm too stupid for this job anyway... God why can't I just be normal?
Maybe I need a job that is less stressful? Or that needs less intelligence... I don't know.

     Read 18 - Post
06:58am 24/09/2004
  HAPPY BIRTHDAY irresistiblyred!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you have a fantasterific day, you deserve it.
     Read 1 - Post